I'll go first.

      I have finally decided to take a chance and follow my dreams..I told my job to not schedule me after December, I will be doing photography full time as of next year. It's a very bitter sweet feeling. I don't doubt I can do this, but I feel as though I am jumping into a deep pit blindfolded. The thing about photography is (and maybe this is just a Utah thing) people book only a few weeks in advance for photo shoots. Even weddings will be booked only a couple months in advance. So as of right now my schedule is booked throughout December but slows down in January. If things go normally I should be booked for January by the end of November/beginning December. It's just a scary thought.
      I have applied for this group called BNI. It's a business networking group, so I am hoping this will help a lot. I just need to stop stressing! This is something I have always wanted to do and I honestly feel that right now is a good time. I am in a steady relationship with a man who supports anything I decide to do. I am, for the most part, out of debt so I don't have many bills to pay each month. And if not now then when?
      Every year I make this goal for myself to be a full time photographer but it just hasn't happened. It's like what they say about having a baby, you are never ready. You just have to let things happen and deal with them as they come. I am a firm believer that if you are happy and a regular 'do-gooder' things will work out. They always have for me. I have been through the absolute worst downs, you can't even imagine, and I make it though because I stay positive. A huge support system also helps. I have the most amazing friends and family! They keep my spirits up big time.

      I can do this! I can! It's happening. I can't go back now..I'll be fine..

      I signed up a long time ago to receive inspirational e-mails from the universe every morning and I have found myself really looking forward to reading them every day. I know anyone who signs up for them receives the same e-mail, but it's still amazing because it can pertain to each person in their own way and help them with their individual struggles they may be going through. I woke up this morning really feeling worried about all of this, then I read what the universe had to say.



Jadie, if you go first and reach for the fruit; I'll shake the tree.

Do a little dance; I'll add some music.

Move in the direction of your dreams, even though at first nothing seems to happen; I'll align the stars, butter your bread, connect the dots, trim the hedge, move some mountains, float the boat, and see you at the ball.

Metaphorically. Except for seeing you at the ball.

If you go first, 
    The Universe

Was that not exactly what I needed to hear?!

      It doesn't help that I really am my own worst enemy. I put myself down like none other. I tell myself 'you are not a good photographer, what are you doing?' 'You are screwing yourself over.' I also tell myself I am an idiot, ugly, fat, blah, blah, blah. I know, it's awful. No one would guess because I am always smiling, but I am that girl with the low self esteem. It doesn't mean I am not happy, because I am! So, so happy! Because I have learned to not let anything get to me. The worst can happen and I will be fine. It's almost like I am numb to certain feelings.

      So, I have decided that in order to not just help my own confidence but my business as well, I need to really work on myself. I have been reading about meditation a lot lately and want to start meditating on a daily basis. I also am going to get back into yoga and my workout routine. I used to be this crazy fit health freak, some people still think I am, but I fell far off that track a year ago. It's about time to get my shit together!

.Here I go.