I have learned lots of lessons lately. As much as I hate the 'learning' process in life, I know it is a very good thing and will never end. I don't really believe in regret..even if it means giving your heart away over and over again only to have it shattered every time. Keep giving your heart away, (maybe not so easily) but don't fear the lessons that may come from it. Inviting new people into your life can open different doors you didn't even know existed. Make new memories, see new things and meet new people. It's amazing.
People are always falling in love, getting their hearts broken, then falling in love again. We will be in love until we die. To me, that is the meaning of life.
Love life.
Last week was the last day at my old job. I honestly had no idea how appreciated I was. It made it really hard to leave. I had a few people actually cry to me and told me how great of a worker I have been and how much I will be missed. It's so weird to think that being there was my life for four years and now it's just not. I kind of feel like I am on vacation and am supposed to be back next week. I guess it hasn't hit me yet. I enjoyed many things at that job. The people I worked with were great, I loved drawing blood and giving shots. (except to little children) But I am so happy to say that I do not have to wear scrubs anymore!
When people found out that I was quitting at the clinic they would ask what I was going to be doing, and when I would tell them I was going to be a nanny I got the same reaction from almost everyone. It was a 'really? Why would you go from being a medical assistant to babysitting??' type reaction. Believe me, if you knew my situation you would of done the same. But I kind of do feel like it was a step back in life..in a way. I went from doing something people go to school to do and make careers out of, to taking care of children. But I really needed it. I wouldn't of done it if I didn't feel like this was a good decision.
I have been a nanny now for only 3 days and I must say that it is very challenging. A lot of people would say 'Good luck!' to me very sarcastically when they found out I was going to be taking care of two young kids every day. But honestly, the kids are great! I already love them to death and they seem to love me too. We have a lot of fun. Today I got paid to put puzzles together, play at Liberty Park all day and feed ducks. And they are always making me laugh. The things kids say sometimes..
The other day I was playing with the little 2 year old girl while the 5 year old boy I watch was at school. She was holding a Jasmine doll (From Aladdin) and she just says out of the blue with a bit of an attitude, "I don't like Jasmine." So I ask why, then she replies, "I just don't like her face." I started laughing then she adds, "I just wish I could throw her in the garbage." It had me laughing for a while.
I think the nanny job itself is great. Taking care of kids comes easily to me, it's something I have always done. I think I am having the hardest time with slowing my mind down. I was so used to a fast paced job where I had to constantly concentrate on certain things, my mind wasn't allowed to wander. And now, things are a lot slower. It's a good thing in a way, a lot more relaxing then what I am used to, but can also be a bad thing at times. I don't really like allowing my mind to wander, and when I am coloring pictures and doing puzzles or talking a walk I can't really help that happening.
Over all, the job is good. It doesn't feel like work at all. I mean, it is a lot of work, but since it's something I am used to and actually enjoy most of the time, it's just easy..so far.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
More than ready.
Oh gosh. I have not kept my goal of writing in this blog every week like I had originally planned. Typical me. I have been too busy living life and loving it so, so much! I also have not been sad. I find that I have more of an urge to write about my feelings when I am feeling a bit down. So I guess it's a good sign that I have not written in here for some time now.
Don't worry though, I am not sad, I am actually quite opposite. I feel like things are finally starting to fall into place! Finally! I feel so at home in my little apartment in the middle of this city. (even though I still am couchless and it is frustrating..hopefully not for too much longer.)
I kind of feel like I spiraled down really fast for a minute in life, but Iv caught myself and am slowly climbing back up. People make mistakes. Shit happens. Whatever..
Live and learn, right?
I'm blessed to have the people in my life that I do. They love me no matter what and care about the decisions I make and how they will effect me. But no matter what happens, they stay by me and help lead me in the right direction. I love life because of them.
I put in my two weeks notice at my job yesterday. I have been a medical assistant at a family practice for just about 4 years now. I never really wanted to get into the medical field, it was honestly something I just fell into. When the ex-husband was my boyfriend I had lost my job so his mother is the one that gave me the job at the clinic..and I have been there ever since. I am grateful, of course, to have had the opportunity to work there and help so many people. I have also made some very close friends. I will miss working with them terribly, but will make an effort to keep them in my life as much as possible. Being in one place for four years with the same girls every day, you can't help but grow close to each other, we act like sisters.
But despite my good friends and the great job it was, you can imagine how it would be working there along with your ex-family. That is not the only reason why I decided to leave though, I have wanted to leave for years. It was just not at all for me. I think of the divorce as a push in the direction that I have been longing to travel, but for some reason have been so stuck in the same spot, doing the same thing every damn day..it's tiring to even think about.
I look back at my life and what it was for the past few years..it was nothing. Of course I did do things I love, but not how I wanted to. I didn't see the people I love in my life as often as I would of liked to. I didn't do so much that I have wanted to do and have done, just in these past couple months, since I have decided to make this drastic change. I really was stuck, I can't describe it any other way. Don't get me wrong, the life I had was good and maybe perfect for some people, but not for me. Not at all for me. It just took a little while to open my eyes and see that.
Since I have been on my own, meeting so many new people and making wonderful new friends, thinking new thoughts, hearing new music, seeing amazing new things, I feel I have grown so much. I have changed drastically in this short amount of time, I see it in myself. Everything is more beautiful to me, I even laugh louder. I am learning what I really want in life and I am on my way.
In just a couple weeks I start my new job as a nanny for a lovely little family not to far from my home. It's a big step for me and a bit of a risk due to a pay cut, but I am so willing to risk money for my happiness. I am ecstatic! I am also going to start picking up more photo shoots, which is something I have also been wanting to do but have felt too stressed and drained to even start again.
It's a big sign that something needs to change if you don't even have the energy to do what you love.
I love taking pictures. I am going to find that again.
I got an e-mail from the universe the other day. My favorite words by far:
Don't worry though, I am not sad, I am actually quite opposite. I feel like things are finally starting to fall into place! Finally! I feel so at home in my little apartment in the middle of this city. (even though I still am couchless and it is frustrating..hopefully not for too much longer.)
I kind of feel like I spiraled down really fast for a minute in life, but Iv caught myself and am slowly climbing back up. People make mistakes. Shit happens. Whatever..
Live and learn, right?
I'm blessed to have the people in my life that I do. They love me no matter what and care about the decisions I make and how they will effect me. But no matter what happens, they stay by me and help lead me in the right direction. I love life because of them.
I put in my two weeks notice at my job yesterday. I have been a medical assistant at a family practice for just about 4 years now. I never really wanted to get into the medical field, it was honestly something I just fell into. When the ex-husband was my boyfriend I had lost my job so his mother is the one that gave me the job at the clinic..and I have been there ever since. I am grateful, of course, to have had the opportunity to work there and help so many people. I have also made some very close friends. I will miss working with them terribly, but will make an effort to keep them in my life as much as possible. Being in one place for four years with the same girls every day, you can't help but grow close to each other, we act like sisters.
But despite my good friends and the great job it was, you can imagine how it would be working there along with your ex-family. That is not the only reason why I decided to leave though, I have wanted to leave for years. It was just not at all for me. I think of the divorce as a push in the direction that I have been longing to travel, but for some reason have been so stuck in the same spot, doing the same thing every damn day..it's tiring to even think about.
I look back at my life and what it was for the past few years..it was nothing. Of course I did do things I love, but not how I wanted to. I didn't see the people I love in my life as often as I would of liked to. I didn't do so much that I have wanted to do and have done, just in these past couple months, since I have decided to make this drastic change. I really was stuck, I can't describe it any other way. Don't get me wrong, the life I had was good and maybe perfect for some people, but not for me. Not at all for me. It just took a little while to open my eyes and see that.
Since I have been on my own, meeting so many new people and making wonderful new friends, thinking new thoughts, hearing new music, seeing amazing new things, I feel I have grown so much. I have changed drastically in this short amount of time, I see it in myself. Everything is more beautiful to me, I even laugh louder. I am learning what I really want in life and I am on my way.
In just a couple weeks I start my new job as a nanny for a lovely little family not to far from my home. It's a big step for me and a bit of a risk due to a pay cut, but I am so willing to risk money for my happiness. I am ecstatic! I am also going to start picking up more photo shoots, which is something I have also been wanting to do but have felt too stressed and drained to even start again.
It's a big sign that something needs to change if you don't even have the energy to do what you love.
I love taking pictures. I am going to find that again.
I got an e-mail from the universe the other day. My favorite words by far:
You ready for some firsts? Are you? Yodeling, The Universe
I am more than ready.
|
Friday, November 9, 2012
Loss
I'm sitting here in my apartment staring out the window at all the giant falling snowflakes thanking myself that I did not make any big plans today. I hate driving in snow. I do have lots to do, places to go and people to see, but instead I am taking a break. I'm going to stay in my cozy little apartment (still with empty walls and couchless) and eat my oatmeal while catching up on some editing. Sounds like a good plan to me.
This past week has been very busy and a little strange. I'm frustrated and sad about so many things right now, but I still keep my chin up. I am doing great!
It always seems as though bad things happen at once, and thats how I have been feeling. It's been frustrating dealing with a divorce. Not because it's so life changing but because it comes along with so many other issues..money, family, an ex husband that wont leave you alone, judgement, stress..It's all a constant struggle. Things need to die down a bit and start looking up asap.
I went to go sell my wedding ring to help me get on my feet a little bit and cannot seem to find the ring anywhere. I don't even know what to do, just keep looking I guess.
Earlier this week something happened that took my mind off of absolutely everything else. My aunt died. It was sudden and not expected at all which makes it much more difficult. I have dealt with so much death in my life..and not just death, but death of loved ones. You'd think maybe you could get used to this kind of tragedy but it is impossible.
The beginning of November always shakes me up a bit. It is the anniversary of a few different deaths now, including my mothers. It will be the anniversary of her death on Sunday. I always try to go visit her grave every year on the day but haven't been for a while now. Luckily, I now live right down the street from Mt Olivet which is where she is buried. I do enjoy going there, it is the most gorgeous grave yard I have ever seen. It's huge and very old. There are giant headstones and statues of angels, tombs, grassy hills, giant weeping willow trees, and deer everywhere! If I ever became a vampire, thats where I would crash.
Anyway, so I have a funeral to attend on Monday. I do not like funerals at all, who does? But I do love seeing all of my family. Thats the only time we all get together is when someone dies, which seems to happen as often as a family reunion should.
I am so blessed to have the family I have. They are the strongest people I know, I guess we all kind of have to be. I love them!
This past week has been very busy and a little strange. I'm frustrated and sad about so many things right now, but I still keep my chin up. I am doing great!
It always seems as though bad things happen at once, and thats how I have been feeling. It's been frustrating dealing with a divorce. Not because it's so life changing but because it comes along with so many other issues..money, family, an ex husband that wont leave you alone, judgement, stress..It's all a constant struggle. Things need to die down a bit and start looking up asap.
I went to go sell my wedding ring to help me get on my feet a little bit and cannot seem to find the ring anywhere. I don't even know what to do, just keep looking I guess.
Earlier this week something happened that took my mind off of absolutely everything else. My aunt died. It was sudden and not expected at all which makes it much more difficult. I have dealt with so much death in my life..and not just death, but death of loved ones. You'd think maybe you could get used to this kind of tragedy but it is impossible.
The beginning of November always shakes me up a bit. It is the anniversary of a few different deaths now, including my mothers. It will be the anniversary of her death on Sunday. I always try to go visit her grave every year on the day but haven't been for a while now. Luckily, I now live right down the street from Mt Olivet which is where she is buried. I do enjoy going there, it is the most gorgeous grave yard I have ever seen. It's huge and very old. There are giant headstones and statues of angels, tombs, grassy hills, giant weeping willow trees, and deer everywhere! If I ever became a vampire, thats where I would crash.
Anyway, so I have a funeral to attend on Monday. I do not like funerals at all, who does? But I do love seeing all of my family. Thats the only time we all get together is when someone dies, which seems to happen as often as a family reunion should.
I am so blessed to have the family I have. They are the strongest people I know, I guess we all kind of have to be. I love them!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The Lonely
I finally got my camera back! I'v had it back for a little while now and surprisingly haven't used it as much as I thought I would. Yesterday was the first time I really used it since I have had it back. My good friend, Audrey, and I walked for hours all over the city and took pictures of everything. It was a lot of fun, and quite refreshing being able to explore and take photos of new things. I need to do that more often. When it comes to photography, lately I have felt..stuck. I feel as though I have hit a plateau. I need to find a way to learn more, and I need lots of practice. Living in the city helps a lot, it inspires me and gives me plenty of ideas.
I am still loving it here. It was really easy for me to adjust to living alone. It's not too much different from when I lived in my house, except I don't have two crazy dogs attached to my feet, following me everywhere. I wish I did though. As annoying as it got, I miss it. I have been thinking about Kora a lot and got the idea of maybe taking her for a couple days. She could walk all over the city with me and run with me at Liberty park. It sounded like a good idea but I honestly don't think I could emotionally handle that. I was trying to think of a pet that I could get and easily care for with my living situation and thought of the perfect animal..a tea cup pig! I have actually wanted one of those for a while but couldn't ever get one without the fear of my dogs biting it's head off. I still probably won't ever get one though, they are crazy expensive. Plus, it's kind nice not having to take care of anything and worry about only myself right now.
Other then money issues, (which I never let get to me, money comes and goes) life is good. I have been tying to get back into my running routine. I really need to start doing that more often because I have been cooking a ton. I love finding new recipes and making them, the only problem is I always make too much. Usually I try to cut the recipes in half, but it seems like no matter what I do there is always too much. It's a good thing I have neighbors and co-workers who like my cooking.
Here are some photos I took while out with Audrey yesterday. And a photo of something delicious I made today.
I am still loving it here. It was really easy for me to adjust to living alone. It's not too much different from when I lived in my house, except I don't have two crazy dogs attached to my feet, following me everywhere. I wish I did though. As annoying as it got, I miss it. I have been thinking about Kora a lot and got the idea of maybe taking her for a couple days. She could walk all over the city with me and run with me at Liberty park. It sounded like a good idea but I honestly don't think I could emotionally handle that. I was trying to think of a pet that I could get and easily care for with my living situation and thought of the perfect animal..a tea cup pig! I have actually wanted one of those for a while but couldn't ever get one without the fear of my dogs biting it's head off. I still probably won't ever get one though, they are crazy expensive. Plus, it's kind nice not having to take care of anything and worry about only myself right now.
Other then money issues, (which I never let get to me, money comes and goes) life is good. I have been tying to get back into my running routine. I really need to start doing that more often because I have been cooking a ton. I love finding new recipes and making them, the only problem is I always make too much. Usually I try to cut the recipes in half, but it seems like no matter what I do there is always too much. It's a good thing I have neighbors and co-workers who like my cooking.
Here are some photos I took while out with Audrey yesterday. And a photo of something delicious I made today.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Lessons
This past week has been one of the most difficult. I still think way too much and I need to pause for a minute. I honestly don't know how I can have so much on my mind when I keep myself as busy as I am. It's not fair. So many things run through my head, it's hard to keep everything straight. I wish I could just divulge all of my guts into this blog, but I'm not about to open my heart and soul to just anyone who reads this.
I will say, I am living. But along with living comes a whole lot of learning. Just in the past couple months I have had a huge awakening in my body, mind and soul. It's been a sweet traumatic and horrifying experience but I have learned so much more then ever.
..What have I learned so far?..
Well,
-I learned that great things are worth the wait.
-I learned not to be intimidated so easily.
-I learned that heartache, tragedy, failure, tears, fear is all worth true love, joy, excitement and bliss.
-I learned to follow my heart..really follow it.
-I learned to have a little bit more 'bitch' in me. (something my mom always said I needed) Not to let myself get walked all over anymore.
-I learned not to care so much about what others think.
-I learned to prioritize. I am busy but it is important to take time for myself once in a while.
-I learned to take chances. Just let it happen. :)
-I learned to keep my good friends very near, trust in them and let them trust in me.
-I learned that money is just not worth stressing about.
-I learned that sleep can be a good thing.
-I learned how important it is to be honest, with others and yourself.
-I learned that it's ok to cry.
So, there you go. I'm sure I have plenty more to learn and I hope I do. I can't wait. :)
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Change
Right now I am sitting in my apartment procrastinating cleaning it. It's really not that messy, it's only me living here..but there still always seems like there is lots to do. I haven't finish organizing certain things and it's driving me nuts, but I cannot seem to get myself to just do it. My mind has been all over the place lately so I can't concentrate on getting things done. I'm still doing great, I'm not stressed or unhappy, but life has it's moments. Things happen, wether good or bad, and I think way too hard about it. Especially living alone..I think too much.
This weekend was a pretty good one, for the most part. I spent lots of much needed time with friends, and also made new friends. Not only are they my new friends but they just so happen to be my neighbors that live below me. Two very nice guys. It makes me feel a whole lot safer knowing someone who lives here. Today they gave me some delicious candy and I let them borrow a spoon.(weird.) Apparently they don't have any..?
I spent some time on Saturday searching for a couch..still nothing. It's a little frustrating because even though I don't NEED one, I am anxious to have my apartment feel complete the way I imagine it. I ended up buying some plates, a shirt and a new purse at the DI instead. The DI is one of my most favorite stores. I am so lucky to have a very close friend who enjoys thrifting as much as I do!
I also crossed something off of my list this weekend. My list of things to do in life, everyone has one, right? The thing I crossed off was just something very small but I am proud of myself for doing so..I went out and had a meal alone. That is something I have never done and always wanted to do for some reason. It wasn't anywhere fancy, I just went up the street to Whole Foods and ate in the cafe, it counts. I have a feeling I will be doing that a lot more because I live so close to it and I am in love with that place!
I feel bad that all my posts so far are pictureless. That is not like me at all! Once I get my camera back be prepared to be bombarded by images. It is so beautiful down here, especially this time of year. It's killing me to not have my camera, and my iphone does not do anything justice. Where I live is very old, perfect for photos. At this moment the driveway right outside is carpeted with bright yellow leaves. I cannot believe that I am not able to capture all of this beauty around me.
I'm actually quite surprised of how many people have been reading my posts. I know I have only written a couple of them so far, but I really wasn't expecting anybody to read any of them, especially since so far there have been no photos. Am I really that interesting? Haha.
Anyway, as far as the whole 'divorce' thing goes, I am doing well. Settling into a completely different life and surrounding myself with new people and thoughts is extremely difficult, but great at the same time. It's still so strange to think about. If I were the 2010 version of me, I would never of imagined I would be where I am now..EVER. Even though, deep down inside, it's where I wanted to be. Does that make sense? I still don't feel as though I have 'found' myself or whatever, but I do feel that I am on the right track. There are still a couple more things I want to change before I feel completely better about life and heading in the direction I want. I'm working on it. :)
This weekend was a pretty good one, for the most part. I spent lots of much needed time with friends, and also made new friends. Not only are they my new friends but they just so happen to be my neighbors that live below me. Two very nice guys. It makes me feel a whole lot safer knowing someone who lives here. Today they gave me some delicious candy and I let them borrow a spoon.(weird.) Apparently they don't have any..?
I spent some time on Saturday searching for a couch..still nothing. It's a little frustrating because even though I don't NEED one, I am anxious to have my apartment feel complete the way I imagine it. I ended up buying some plates, a shirt and a new purse at the DI instead. The DI is one of my most favorite stores. I am so lucky to have a very close friend who enjoys thrifting as much as I do!
I also crossed something off of my list this weekend. My list of things to do in life, everyone has one, right? The thing I crossed off was just something very small but I am proud of myself for doing so..I went out and had a meal alone. That is something I have never done and always wanted to do for some reason. It wasn't anywhere fancy, I just went up the street to Whole Foods and ate in the cafe, it counts. I have a feeling I will be doing that a lot more because I live so close to it and I am in love with that place!
I feel bad that all my posts so far are pictureless. That is not like me at all! Once I get my camera back be prepared to be bombarded by images. It is so beautiful down here, especially this time of year. It's killing me to not have my camera, and my iphone does not do anything justice. Where I live is very old, perfect for photos. At this moment the driveway right outside is carpeted with bright yellow leaves. I cannot believe that I am not able to capture all of this beauty around me.
I'm actually quite surprised of how many people have been reading my posts. I know I have only written a couple of them so far, but I really wasn't expecting anybody to read any of them, especially since so far there have been no photos. Am I really that interesting? Haha.
Anyway, as far as the whole 'divorce' thing goes, I am doing well. Settling into a completely different life and surrounding myself with new people and thoughts is extremely difficult, but great at the same time. It's still so strange to think about. If I were the 2010 version of me, I would never of imagined I would be where I am now..EVER. Even though, deep down inside, it's where I wanted to be. Does that make sense? I still don't feel as though I have 'found' myself or whatever, but I do feel that I am on the right track. There are still a couple more things I want to change before I feel completely better about life and heading in the direction I want. I'm working on it. :)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
The big city and bare walls
Settled in to my new place..for the most part. I got a bed..still in need of a couch and table. I'm in no rush though, it's a small place and has a cozy feel to it. However, the walls bother me a bit..they are so bare. I am in serious need of art and photos to hang!
Speaking of photos, I am still cameraless. My poor baby had to be sent in to be fixed. This has made things very hard for me because a lot of my income was from photography and october is a busy month. I had October almost completely booked, then had to cancel with all my clients because of this. But I didn't dare do any more shoots with my camera until it got fixed. It was acting up so badly and I even lost some photos from a photoshoot I did. No way was I going to go through that again. I feel bad to those who I had to cancel with, but once my baby returns to me I will be on a roll! I have lots of new ideas!
I kind of think it was a blessing that my camera happened to stop working properly when it did. I have been dealing with so much and having to worry about shoots and editing would have made things much harder for me. I am still working on catching up on photoshoots and weddings from last month, so it's not like I have no photo stuff to do, but I honestly am glad I don't have more on my plate then what I already have. Right now is a time that I really need for me. I'm loving the new life I have made for myself, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
I love this city. I know I have always said how much I want to move and not live in Utah, I was naive. This place is amazing. Of course I would still love to travel everywhere and see everything..one day. For now, I have a lot to see in my own neighborhood. I'm a little ashamed that I have lived in Utah, near the city, my entire life and still don't know it very well. I'm hoping now that I live right in the middle of it I will be able to see so much more. I want to walk everywhere, try new food from little hole in the wall restaurants, check out all the cute little shops on my way and say hello to everyone I see. I want to get lost and discover new things. And when I have my camera again..mmmm!
Speaking of photos, I am still cameraless. My poor baby had to be sent in to be fixed. This has made things very hard for me because a lot of my income was from photography and october is a busy month. I had October almost completely booked, then had to cancel with all my clients because of this. But I didn't dare do any more shoots with my camera until it got fixed. It was acting up so badly and I even lost some photos from a photoshoot I did. No way was I going to go through that again. I feel bad to those who I had to cancel with, but once my baby returns to me I will be on a roll! I have lots of new ideas!
I kind of think it was a blessing that my camera happened to stop working properly when it did. I have been dealing with so much and having to worry about shoots and editing would have made things much harder for me. I am still working on catching up on photoshoots and weddings from last month, so it's not like I have no photo stuff to do, but I honestly am glad I don't have more on my plate then what I already have. Right now is a time that I really need for me. I'm loving the new life I have made for myself, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
I love this city. I know I have always said how much I want to move and not live in Utah, I was naive. This place is amazing. Of course I would still love to travel everywhere and see everything..one day. For now, I have a lot to see in my own neighborhood. I'm a little ashamed that I have lived in Utah, near the city, my entire life and still don't know it very well. I'm hoping now that I live right in the middle of it I will be able to see so much more. I want to walk everywhere, try new food from little hole in the wall restaurants, check out all the cute little shops on my way and say hello to everyone I see. I want to get lost and discover new things. And when I have my camera again..mmmm!
Monday, October 8, 2012
The beginning
The very few of you who follow this blog might of noticed that I have deleted all my previous posts and changed everything. The reason for this is because I am starting over. Not just with this blog, but with life in general. I recently made the hardest decision I have ever had to make. My life changed drastically, nothing is the same. I went from living in a big house surrounded by gorgeous fields, mountains, a giant lake right down the road, two lovely dogs, and a husband.. to living alone in a small studio apartment in the middle of the city.. and I honestly couldn't be happier.
Of course I have my reasons for leaving the seemingly flawless life I was living. I won't go into detail as to why, just know that I am happy. So many people have been e-mailing me and messaging me wondering how I have been doing, I feel extremely loved. I guess when you hear the word 'divorce' you automatically feel sorry for that person, and sometimes that is how it should be. But this isn't the case. Be happy for me. I am now living a life I have always dreamed. I plan on doing so much with my life and I am ecstatic to start living again!
Don't get me wrong, going through the divorce was really hard. It took so much out of me. I had never felt so stressed and mentally or emotionally drained. My right eye was twitching for weeks, thats how bad it was! One of the biggest things holding me back from making this decisions were my babies(dogs). They were my very best friends, especially one, Kora. That girl always seemed to know what I was going through. She would comfort me while sad, worry about me when in pain, and dance with me when excited. I was always talking to her about everything and she would just sit and listen, occasionally giving me a look like 'duh'. She was always by my side.
Aside from my dogs, I was unhappy and so was the husband. You must know that this decision was not sudden, and it wasn't just mine. We tried for years to fix things in many different ways, but nothing helped. Everyone seems so shocked about all of this, I guess I just hide things really well. But honestly, if you knew me well before the marriage and you saw how I was during all of it, you would of noticed a big difference in me. I finally feel..relieved. Like a war has ended. I can breathe again.
As for now..I am going to keep this blog as kind a personal record of my life. Read it or not, it's mostly for me anyway.
And for all you extremely generous and amazing family members and friends of mine, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here for me always. I love you all. :)
-Jadie
Of course I have my reasons for leaving the seemingly flawless life I was living. I won't go into detail as to why, just know that I am happy. So many people have been e-mailing me and messaging me wondering how I have been doing, I feel extremely loved. I guess when you hear the word 'divorce' you automatically feel sorry for that person, and sometimes that is how it should be. But this isn't the case. Be happy for me. I am now living a life I have always dreamed. I plan on doing so much with my life and I am ecstatic to start living again!
Don't get me wrong, going through the divorce was really hard. It took so much out of me. I had never felt so stressed and mentally or emotionally drained. My right eye was twitching for weeks, thats how bad it was! One of the biggest things holding me back from making this decisions were my babies(dogs). They were my very best friends, especially one, Kora. That girl always seemed to know what I was going through. She would comfort me while sad, worry about me when in pain, and dance with me when excited. I was always talking to her about everything and she would just sit and listen, occasionally giving me a look like 'duh'. She was always by my side.
Aside from my dogs, I was unhappy and so was the husband. You must know that this decision was not sudden, and it wasn't just mine. We tried for years to fix things in many different ways, but nothing helped. Everyone seems so shocked about all of this, I guess I just hide things really well. But honestly, if you knew me well before the marriage and you saw how I was during all of it, you would of noticed a big difference in me. I finally feel..relieved. Like a war has ended. I can breathe again.
As for now..I am going to keep this blog as kind a personal record of my life. Read it or not, it's mostly for me anyway.
And for all you extremely generous and amazing family members and friends of mine, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here for me always. I love you all. :)
-Jadie
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